The “Why’s” of Me.

Have you ever felt that you are meant for bigger things than what you are doing now? Or how are you to know what you do now is that bigger thing in life? Have you ever felt you don’t belong? Or alone? Is this our mind’s reflex to disassociate you with everyone to make you special? Are we really special? How do you bridge that rainbow connection between mind and heart? Science and religion? Body and soul?

Why does my mind constantly plague me with ideas that I am bigger than what I am now? Why does it tell me I am just not doing good enough? Why does it constantly search? Why does it befriend empathy and be kind to others but not me? Does it not know I am drained? Why does it ask me questions about life? About purpose? About my very own existence? Why does it think that it is I who has to change the world? Why does it have to be me to plant that tree?

Why does it force me into that dark corner?

Am I really different? Or am I just the same like everyone else? I honestly don’t know which to choose, if there is even a choice. This automated switch to reflection happens so instantly even in a crowded area, with a loved one, with many loved ones or with me.

Why do I love this solitude even though it brings me to tears? Why do I welcome the mind-fucks when it drains every inch of my waking energy? Why do I keep awake?

Perhaps, it really is the lovers, the dreamers.. and then… there’s me.

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